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Top Ten Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO

10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor's office include,
"Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgsicles.

7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

6. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day."

5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little "M"s on them.

And the Number One Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO...

1. You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.



Greg Gordon MD, CFII
Updated: